Jokes
A book never written: “The Evils of Pasta” by Mac A. Roni.
-- Submitted by Cory A., Somers, Conn.
(142 votes, average: 3.14 out of 5)
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Jim: What did the polar bear say to the caribou?
Tim: What?
Jim: “You must weigh a tundra!”
(157 votes, average: 3.14 out of 5) Loading ...
Clay: What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of an airplane?
Ray: What?
Clay: “Meeeeeee!”
(159 votes, average: 3.02 out of 5) Loading ...
Weston: If two’s company and three’s a crowd, what are four and five?
Austin: What?
Weston: Nine.
(157 votes, average: 3.17 out of 5) Loading ...
Joe: What nationality is Santa Claus?
Moe: What?
Joe: North Polish.
(150 votes, average: 3.16 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “Too Close to the Fire” by Rose E. Cheeks.
-- Submitted by Johnathon B., Troy, Mich.
(142 votes, average: 3.77 out of 5) Loading ...
Justin: Knock, knock.
Colton: Who’s there?
Justin: Freeze.
Colton: Freeze, who?
Justin: Freeze a jolly good fellow…
(161 votes, average: 2.84 out of 5) Loading ...
Rebecca: Knock, knock.
Alex: Who’s there?
Rebecca: Anita.
Alex: Anita, who?
Rebecca: Anita another knock-knock joke. I’m all out.
(147 votes, average: 3.42 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “Let’s Go Hiking!” by Iva Blister.
-- Submitted by Thomas C., Indian Head Park, Ill. (145 votes, average: 3.54 out of 5) Loading ...
Teacher: Johnny, define claustrophobia.
Johnny: Fear of Santa Claus?
(194 votes, average: 3.68 out of 5) Loading ...
Monica: Where did your mom go for her vacation?
Josh: Alaska.
Monica: Never mind, I’ll ask her myself.
(174 votes, average: 3.37 out of 5) Loading ...
Matt: What did the shovel say to the hoe?
Nat: What?
Matt: “Hi, hoe!”
(223 votes, average: 2.4 out of 5) Loading ...
Pedro: I rearranged my bedroom furniture so now I can lie on my bed and watch the sun rise.
Ordep: Big deal. I can sit on my couch and watch the kitchen sink.
(214 votes, average: 3.51 out of 5) Loading ...
Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas.
Luke: How do you know?
Darth Vader: I can feel your presence.
(266 votes, average: 3.55 out of 5) Loading ...
Riddler: What do you call a tree with no limbs or trunk?
Batman: I don’t know. I’m stumped.
Riddler: Correct!
(219 votes, average: 3.44 out of 5) Loading ...
Johnny: Does Europe have a 4th of July?
Josh: No.
Johnny: Yes, it does. It comes right after the 3rd of July.
(335 votes, average: 3.34 out of 5) Loading ...
John: What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
Ron: What?
John: A list of everything you want.
(313 votes, average: 3.59 out of 5) Loading ...
Kenny: Knock, knock.
Jenny: Who’s there?
Kenny: Little old lady.
Jenny: Little old lady, who?
Kenny: I didn’t know you could yodel!
(381 votes, average: 2.81 out of 5) Loading ...
A motorist whose car got bogged down in a muddy road paid a farmer $5 to pull him out with his tractor. “At those prices, I’d think you’d be pulling people out of the mud night and day,” the motorist said. “Can’t,” replied the farmer. “At night I haul water for the hole.”
-- Submitted by Morgan C., Salt Lake City, Utah (240 votes, average: 3.47 out of 5) Loading ...
“Want to see a picture of my aunt?” Joe asks. “Sure,” Bill says. So Joe takes out a picture.
Bill says, “What are you talking about? That’s not your aunt! It’s a picture of a fish!”
“No, it’s my aunt,” Joe says. “Aunt Chovy.”
(247 votes, average: 3.21 out of 5) Loading ...
Don: Knock, knock.
Jon: Who’s there?
Don: Wilma.
Jon: Wilma,who?
Don: Wilma supper be ready pretty soon?
(182 votes, average: 2.93 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “I Hate Crackers” by Chad R. Cheese.
-- Submitted by Steven B. III, Springfield, Mo. (178 votes, average: 2.89 out of 5) Loading ...
Jon: What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father?
Tom: What?
Jon: One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop.
(164 votes, average: 3.07 out of 5) Loading ...
Adam: Knock, knock.
Seth: Who’s there?
Adam: Doris.
Seth: Doris, who?
Adam: Doris locked, that’s why I knocked.
(167 votes, average: 3.78 out of 5) Loading ...
Mom No. 1: How do you get your sleepy-head son up in the morning?
Mom No. 2: I just put the cat on the bed.
Mom No. 1: How does that help?
Mom No. 2: The dog’s already there.
(198 votes, average: 3.98 out of 5) Loading ...
Joe: Knock, knock.
Bo: Who’s there?
Joe: Stan.
Bo: Stan, who?
Joe: Stan back, I’m gonna break the door down!
(180 votes, average: 3.54 out of 5) Loading ...
Danny: My mom’s cooking is terrible.
Sammy: How bad is it?
Danny: It’s so bad,we have holes in our screen door so the flies can get out.
(180 votes, average: 3.92 out of 5) Loading ...
Teacher: What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?
Johnny: “Get in the boat, men!”
(183 votes, average: 2.57 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “I Love Autumn” by Ray Cleves.
-- Submitted by Joe L., Beaver, Pa. (127 votes, average: 3.13 out of 5) Loading ...
David: Hear about the dog that liked to eat garlic?
Jake: No.
David: Its bark was worse than its bite!
(160 votes, average: 3.46 out of 5) Loading ...
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COMIC CAPTIONS
TOP 25 JOKES
BoysLife.org readers pick their favorite jokes
- Four men waiting in the hospital
- One smart dachshund
- Pa won’t like it
- Where did they meet?
- God is watching.
- Don’t step on purple mushrooms.
- Are bugs good to eat?
- Highway 75
- Junior and the nickle
- Illegal right turn.
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