Jokes
Joke of the Day
Bob: Wanna hear a story about a cattle roundup?
Joe: Nope. If you’ve herd one, you’ve herd ’em all.
(35 votes, average: 2.54 out of 5)
Loading ...Maurice: Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
Denise: Where?
Maurice: The bobber shop.
(35 votes, average: 3.34 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “Let’s Do Homework” by Dewey Hafta.
-- Submitted by Arron V., Newport News, Va. (43 votes, average: 3.63 out of 5) Loading ...
Elliot: What book are you reading?
Paul: “Great Expectations.”
Elliot: Is it good?
Paul: It’s not all I was hoping for.
(60 votes, average: 2.83 out of 5) Loading ...
Mom: Our dog is like one of the family.
Dad: Which one?
(62 votes, average: 2.6 out of 5) Loading ...
A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”
-- Submitted by Ted M., Sayreville, N.J. (47 votes, average: 3.98 out of 5) Loading ...
Sam: What do you do if you’re attacked by mosquitoes?
John: What?
Sam: Call in the S.W.A.T. team!
(63 votes, average: 3.49 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “How to be a Good Kid” by Miss Bea Haven.
-- Submitted by Evan J., Savannah, Ga. (60 votes, average: 3.37 out of 5) Loading ...
Bob: Knock, knock.
Ed: Who’s there?
Bob: Olive.
Ed: Olive, who?
Bob: Eat Olive your vegetables!
(61 votes, average: 3.02 out of 5) Loading ...
Taylor: How many sheep does it take to make a sweater?
Brad: I have no idea. I didn’t even know sheep could knit.
(84 votes, average: 2.83 out of 5) Loading ...
Tom Swiftie: “She tore my valentine in half!” said Tom half-heartedly.
-- Submitted by Alexander J.Velazquez, Hamden, Conn. (84 votes, average: 2.75 out of 5) Loading ...
I eat my peas with honey; I’ve done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny, But it keeps ’em on my knife!
(82 votes, average: 2.63 out of 5) Loading ...
Nick: How deep is the frog pond?
Rick: I don’t know.
Nick: Kneedeep, kneedeep, kneedeep.
(93 votes, average: 1.99 out of 5) Loading ...
John: Knock, knock.
Ron: Who’s there?
John: Ice cream soda.
Ron: Ice cream soda, who?
John: Ice cream soda people can hear me!
(94 votes, average: 3.05 out of 5) Loading ...
Ryan: What did one time bandit say to the other?
Rob: What?
Ryan: “Let’s cut them off at the past!”
(92 votes, average: 2.49 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “Nursery Rhymes Drive Me Crazy” by Pat E. Cake.
-- Submitted by Joseph M., Covington, Wash. (85 votes, average: 3.36 out of 5) Loading ...
A cowboy is walking down the street. A policeman asks him his name.
“Tex,” the cowboy replies.
“So you’re from Texas,” the officer says.
“Nope. Louisiana.”
“So why do you call yourself Tex?”
“Well, ‘Louisa’ just didn’t sound right.”
(113 votes, average: 3.73 out of 5) Loading ...
Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?
Mother snake: Yes, son.Why?
Baby snake: I just bit my tongue!
(146 votes, average: 3.86 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “How the Brave Jump Off a Cliff” by Hugo First.
-- Submitted by Michael J. K., Centennial, Colo. (128 votes, average: 3.78 out of 5) Loading ...
Mason: Did you hear about the man who fell into a machine at the upholstery shop?
Jason: Really? Did he go to the hospital?
Mason: Yes, and he’s fully recovered now.
(139 votes, average: 2.6 out of 5) Loading ...
Teacher: Dylan, if there are a dozen flies on the table and you swat one, how many are left?
Dylan: Just the dead one.
(148 votes, average: 3.76 out of 5) Loading ...
Harrison: What did the bread say to the oven?
Greg: What?
Harrison: I’m toast!
(160 votes, average: 3.17 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “Who Needs Sweaters?” by Harry Mann.
-- Submitted by Trevor B., Yorba Linda, Calif. (143 votes, average: 3.03 out of 5) Loading ...
Teacher: Michael, where’s your pencil?
Michael: I ain’t got one.
Teacher: Michael, where’s your grammar?
Michael: She’s at home, and she ain’t got my pencil either!
(227 votes, average: 3.83 out of 5) Loading ...
Jack: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Bill: What?
Jack: It’s time to go to sweep!
(193 votes, average: 3.01 out of 5) Loading ...
Teacher: Johnny, please use the word “iota” in a sentence.
Johnny: Yes, ma’am. “He said iota bus driver a dollar.”
(130 votes, average: 2.89 out of 5) Loading ...
A book never written: “Filthy Rich” by M.T.Wallet.
-- Submitted by Steven S., Zeeland, Mich. (121 votes, average: 3.9 out of 5) Loading ...
Dad: It’s time for your violin lesson.
Son: Oh, fiddle!
(133 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5) Loading ...
Nick: What a nightmare—I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow.
Rick: What’s so bad about that?
Nick: When I woke up,my pillow was gone.
(183 votes, average: 4.1 out of 5) Loading ...
Tom Swiftie: “We have too many quizzes in school!” Tom said testily.
-- Submitted by Brian C., Snohomish, Wash. (119 votes, average: 3.16 out of 5) Loading ...
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COMIC CAPTIONS
TOP 25 JOKES
BoysLife.org readers pick their favorite jokes
- Pa won’t like it
- Four men waiting in the hospital
- One smart dachshund
- Where did they meet?
- Don’t step on purple mushrooms.
- Are bugs good to eat?
- Reporting a flood.
- Report Card
- A parrot at the auction.
- The untactful sergeant.
- Highway 75
- This is my seeing-eye dog.
- Are these plates clean?
- Illegal right turn.
- Junior and the nickle
- Play golf with Jeff anymore
- Applying for a lumberjack job.
- Dumb Dog
- I condemn you to death!
- What I got.
- 3 boys in a candy store.
- A man escaped from prison
- A patient collapsed.
- Dear Dad, $chool i$ great.
- Store Escalator
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